If I were in a room with a large group of people and I asked how many of you are concerned about what other people think of you I bet the majority of the group would raise their hands with an astounding yes. Why do we make it our mission to try to please others. How can we work on building self-confidence when we are so worried about what everyone thinks?
Could it be that we are raised in a society that teaches us the importance of how people view us? At an early age we are taught how to look a certain way for different types of functions and events that we attend and if you take time to sit back and notice, it is a fairly standard “dress and behavior code” across the board.
We learn what is We learn considered politically correct, what appropriate mannerisms we should have, how to speak our opinions and beliefs with tact and what restrictions are placed upon us concerning our behaviors out in public. No wonder by the time we reach adulthood it is pretty commonplace to be a bit overly obsessed with what others think about us!
The problem is when we seek constant approval from others and are so preoccupied with how they view us; we lose focus on being ourselves and living as we are meant to live with our own passions, ideas and desires. How can we really live and achieve true happiness if we are only reacting in a robotic fashion to what society expects of us?
Here are a few ways to help you get back to living for you and stop worrying and obsessing over what others think which will help you with building self-confidence.
1. Ask yourself, in the general scheme of things does it really matter what they think of me?
I learned a long time ago regardless of how many times I bent over backwards, crawled in the mud and did everything I thought was necessary to portray a perfect image according to the standards of society and those around me I would still never be able to please everyone. Everyone is different and everyone has different viewpoints and interprets things in a different way.
Even if you feel you have chosen your words very carefully, the odds are that you will run up on someone who may find what you said offensive. Does it really matter when it comes down to your life in general? No. You should focus on how you see yourself and not what others think. Confidence and a good self-esteem are built on your own feelings of self-worth. Never be ashamed of doing the right thing and following what you feel is the right path rather than what is considered the trend or popular opinion.
2. Realize that being different and unique is an asset rather than a problem.
Think of it this way, who gets noticed in a sea of faces and how can you pick out one particular apple among a hundred?
Having a unique character is what makes us who we are. Oftentimes it is easy to try to mirror other people that we admire. We fall into the trap of envying another person’s lifestyle and what we think they are is who we want to be. If we think they live a picture perfect life (or what we consider to be perfect) it makes us desire to be like them even more.
Regardless of another person’s aspirations, successes and accomplishments, you need to just be you. We all have our own place in this world and our own goals to achieve. How would the world be interesting if we were all the same? Being unique and letting your true personality shine is one of the best ways to build self-confidence.
3. Live by your own truths and wisdom picked up along the way.
Even if you are scared to death, stay true to yourself. Speak what you know is true and do not offer falsehoods because you think it will satisfy others. There is no such thing as a white lie. In order to control your own destiny and not let others control you, sometimes you must speak your mind absent of fear and worry. Let whatever happens just happen.
Majority of the time you will see that it will open up doors of opportunity rather than shut you out. People admire others who stand up for themselves and voice words of honesty more than they look up to people who are considered fake because they live in fear and just follow the crowd.
4. Haven’t you heard opinions are like butt holes, being everyone has one?
Everyone has an opinion and some voice it much more than others but either way the opinion is still there at least in the form of a thought present in their minds. Whether their opinion of you is a pleasant one or one of loathing, remember it is their opinions and their problems not yours. The only opinion that should matter to you is how you think of yourself.
We are all guilty of judging another by how they look, speak or act not because those things are necessarily bad, but rather because it is different from us. Work on building a habit of being less judgmental and forming opinions of others and make it your goal not to worry about what others think of you.
5. Come to an understanding that people are more caught up in themselves than thinking about and over analyzing you anyway.
The truth is if anyone is forming an opinion as to what they think about you or are judging you, how long do you really think they are dedicating their time to this? Most likely not very long. Why veer off course of your goals on building self-confidence because you are too busy fretting over the judgment of others? People are more into themselves than worrying about keening a constant watchful eye on the lives of others.
Our fears of others constantly watching us and critiquing every step we take are simply nothing but fears. Our own insecurities and lack of confidence is what places us in this worrisome state. Focus more on building your self-confidence, staying on top of your goals regardless of what others think or say and working towards your own ideas and you will feel what it is like to be free.